Close Your Eyes
by FlatOutCrazy
Summary: Ennis del Mar leads a double life...his real life and his dream life. Rating most likely to change. Slash, obviously. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own the ones you know, blah blah blah. Kind of got the idea from the book Awake and Dreaming by Kit Pearson.

_"Del Mar! You ever planning on going home?" Ennis's head snapped up at the sound of the foreman's voice._

_"Yessir. Soon's I get the last of this hay onto the loft."_

_The foreman, something-or-other Owerson, pushed his hat back a little, squinting at Ennis in the fading light._

_"Boy, ain't you got a family to get to?"_

_Ennis ducked his head. Instead of answering, he grabbed another bale and grunted noncommittally. Owerson took that as a no and suddenly didn't know what to say. The conversation had turned awkward._

_"Oh. Well, uh…" He mumbled something more about finishing up the books and slithered off the office. Ennis leaned against the loft's ladder for a moment, trying to block out the thoughts trying to come in. Suddenly he was mad at Owerson. Who was he to come busting into Ennis's life? Shouldn't he be happy to have someone who worked as hard as Ennis? Why did he have to ask questions all the time? And who was Owerson to call him "boy" all the time, when Ennis himself was older? He threw another bale up onto the loft. And another. And another. He was working furiously now, trying to burn his anger out. And as suddenly as it had come, it was gone. He felt deflated, numb. The last bale of hay felt like it weighed two tons. He could hardly get it up to the loft._

_Ennis climbed wearily into his old truck. That bucket of rust was as beaten down as its owner. But both were still holding up, doing their job. Ennis felt understanding for his truck. He felt like a machine himself. He went through his day mechanically, just getting it done because that was what he had to do._

_Dropping into bed an hour later, Ennis sighed. When he closed his eyes, he saw a pair of baby blues looking back to him. And he smiled. He certainly did have a family to get to. They just weren't real._

"Daddy!" Ennis jerked awake at the sound of five-year-old Nathan's howls. Receiving no immediate response, Nathan screeched again.

"Daaaaaaaaddy!"

Ennis stole a look at Jack, who was concentrating very hard on pretending to be asleep. He had his eyes squinched up the way he did when he was faking. Ennis flicked his ear as he rolled out of bed.

"Oh, doncha move, Jack Twist. Your son's screaming his lungs out, howling at the moon, but don't worry. Got the pipes from _you_, wouldn't you know, but go on, sleep in." Muttering darkly, Ennis bumbled down the hall.

"Whassamatter?" He didn't crack his eyes open until he heard Nathan's sniffles.

"D-daddy, I p-peed the bed," Nathan whimpered. Ennis rubbed a hand over his face. This was the third night in a row.

"Okay," Ennis sighed. "Get on in the bathroom, get them clothes off. I'll getcha some clean ones." As he scrounged for some dry pajamas for the boy, Jack decided to amble in.

"He piss himself again?" Jack had a tendency to be less than eloquent at three thirty in the morning.

"Yeah. You want to handle the bath or the sheets?"

Jack groaned, yawning halfway through. "What'd I do last night?"

"You pretended to be asleep."

"Oh. S'pose I can't do that again?"

"Not a chance, Twist."

Jack got the sheets while Ennis headed to the bathroom. He sat on the side of the tub, letting Nathan handle cleaning himself up. When he heard more splashing than anything, he pulled Nathan out of the tub and dried him off. Nathan's blue eyes were already at half-mast, and the little boy was fighting a losing battle to stay awake. Ennis picked him up, leaving the bathtub full, the wet towels and soiled clothes on the floor, and carried his son back to the master bedroom.

In his now well-established spot in the middle of the large bed, Nathan curled up and felt right to sleep. Ennis slid in next to him. He could hear Jack bustling around the laundry room, cursing as he bumped into things. Finally, he made his way back to bed.

"Why's he keep wetting the bed?" He asked crossly, shimmying under the covers. Ennis just shrugged. Nathan wouldn't give them a straight answer. Jack propped himself up on an elbow.

"Pity we're awake now when there's a kid in the bed, hmm?" He wiggled his eyebrows for emphasis. It had been funny two nights ago, when he'd first said it. It had been less funny last night when he'd repeated it. Tonight, Ennis threw a pillow at him.

At breakfast, seven-year-old Gracie looked up from her eggs.

"Natey peed the bed again last night!" She taunted in a singsong voice. Ennis frowned, turning around in time to see Nathan's head drop.

"Ugh, what is _wrong_ with you?" Their thirteen-year-old, Jason sneered. Bobby slapped the back of Jason's head.

"Look who's talking. You peed the bed two months ago."

"Shut up, I did not!"

"Yes you did, I had to clean the sheets," Jenny piped in. Jack pushed a hand through his hair.

"Could y'all just leave each other alone for five minutes so we can eat? Why do you have to argue over _everything_?" Nobody paid him any attention, but nobody brought up the subject of bed-wetters again, either.

When all the kids had been pushed out the door and onto the school bus, Jack closed the door and turned to Ennis, shaking his head.

"I swear, Ennis, one of these days I'm going crazy. Whose idea was it to have s'many kids?"

"I believe it may have been yours," Ennis replied dryly. He could still remember Jack getting so excited after every one, and sure enough, he'd be begging for more within months. In truth, Ennis had shared his excitement, every time.

Junior had gone off to the college, leaving Jenny the only person in the house with auburn hair, and Bobby had inherited Jack's dark locks. The other three had Ennis's tawny curls, paired with Jack's beautiful eyes.

All the little ones knew that the eyes were Ennis's weakness. He always gave in to the puppy-dog face. He gave in quicker if the puppy-dog face was accompanied by just a glistening of tears. Jack liked to think he was tougher when it came to the puppy-dog face. After all, they _were_ his eyes, and he himself used them against Ennis whenever he felt necessary. Which, knowing Jack, was often.

Ennis left the breakfast dishes on the table and headed out to the barn. Two cows had calved the day before, and he wanted to check up on them. Satisfied that they were fine, he threw some hay out to the herd in the pasture and settled to his favorite part—the horses. Ennis would spend all day out in the stable if he could. He rubbed each nose that was thrust over the stall door at him, smiling. He had seven horses—two young fillies just for breeding, his two he'd had forever, and three gentle old nags for the kids to learn on. He couldn't bear the thought of having kids who couldn't ride horses.

Ennis busied himself brushing, watering, and just simply admiring the look of his full barn. Finally he decided he'd better get back up to the house and make sure Jack hadn't gone back to bed like he sometimes could be caught doing. And then Ennis had those dishes to get to, not to mention going around making all the beds, since none of those kids could get it through their skulls to do it themselves, and there was probably laundry to do.

As soon as Ennis opened the bright mahogany doors, he could hear Jack cursing and muttering darkly.

"…Kids can't rinse their plates off—how many times I ask 'em, I don't even know…so lazy, 's really not that hard…"

Further inspection brought Ennis to the sight of Jack hunched over the kitchen sink, up to his elbows in soapsuds, scrubbing furiously. Ennis couldn't help the chuckle he let loose. Jack turned around, suds flying everywhere.

"Don't you laugh at me, Ennis del Mar! Your damn kids leave this mess all over, and you just disappear out to your barn, leave me to do all the chores in this house!" Jack's anger only made Ennis laugh harder. A few bubbles had come to rest on Jack's eyelashes, and Ennis reached a hand up to brush them away. Suddenly he wasn't laughing and Jack wasn't mad and they had the house to themselves and here they were, alone and—

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. Ennis jerked awake, startled. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. His harsh alarm insistently told him to get out of bed and get ready for work. He slammed his hand down on it, wanting nothing more than to burrow down under the covers and get back to his dreams. But he was awake now, and that incessant voice in his head was harping on him to get up and moving. He climbed out of bed with a groan. He must've been getting old—his bones ached with a deep weariness now._

_As he ate breakfast, Ennis noticed his calendar had today's date circled. _Rehearsal dinner_, his chicken scratch told him. Shit. Junior's rehearsal dinner tonight, and he had no tux. Well wasn't that just like him? How many days had he noticed that big red circle and thought to go get one and just forgot? He'd have to leave work early to go scrounge one up. It'd probably be too short in the arms and legs and the tie would be ugly. But he was never one to really worry about high fashion, anyway._

_Ennis finished his stale cornflakes and thought of Jack—big blue eyes, that mole above his lip that just drove Ennis wild. He also thought of the kids—their kids, that they'd had together. Ennis had never questioned _how_ they'd had those kids. In his dreams, they were just there, a perfect melding of the two. And then they still had Bobby and Ennis's girls, but this dream life in no way involved Alma or Lureen._

_A glance at the clock, a last gulp of milk, and the machine was back to work._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Anyone you recognize isn't mine.

_

* * *

_

_"Uh…well, Owerson, sir…" Ennis looked down at the gravel pathway, scuffing his boots together._

_"Spit it out, del Mar."_

_"I, uh, I'm gon' need to leave a little early today."_

_"Why's that?" Owerson didn't sound angry, just annoyed. If Ennis wasn't there, they wouldn't get half the work done that they usually did._

_"Well, my little girl's getting' married next weekend, and the rehearsal's tonight, and…"_

_"Oh, well s'pose I can't keep you from that. You go on, have yourself a little fun. You know what fun is, del Mar?" He was teasing, Ennis could tell, but Ennis didn't quite know how to respond to that. It'd been quite some time since someone had teased him good-naturedly. He grunted and walked off._

_"Oh, Daddy, you made it!" Junior threw her arms around Ennis when he shuffled in, in all his too-small tuxedo glory._

_"Course I made it, little darlin'. Said I'd be here." Jenny came over and gave him a quick hug._

* * *

"Daddy, I'm singing. You ain't never heard me sing, have you?" She hadn't meant it to be an accusation or to make Ennis guilty, but he squirmed nonetheless. No, he had never heard his daughter sing. Somehow, he'd never had time to make it to the school pageants or the church programs she'd invited him to. Each time, he'd apologized and promised to be at the next one, and each time, she'd smiled sadly and known it wouldn't happen.

_As the rehearsal dragged on, Ennis had to endure sitting across from Alma and Monroe. He didn't much like Monroe, that squirmy worm of a man who wouldn't ever look you straight in the eye. And Alma kept dividing her time between ignoring him and glaring daggers at him. At least she had the courtesy to keep her mouth shut._

_When Jenny got up and sang, Ennis felt a surge of pride. That was _his_ baby girl. Sure, none of her talent came from him, and he wasn't exactly an integral part of her life anymore, but…well, she wouldn't be there if he hadn't had some part in it, that much was sure._

_"How'd you like it, Daddy?" she asked, eyes hopeful._

_"Oh, darlin', I liked it…I liked it a whole lot." Ennis wasn't quite sure how to put his pride into words, so instead he reached out and stroked her hair. Just once, and shyly, but Jenny knew what it meant. She ignored her father's stoicism and flung her arms around him. He was caught off guard, but not displeased. How many times since the divorce had he gotten a hug like that from one of his girls? He could probably count them on one hand._

_A lot of Ennis's good feeling had worn off when he got back to his dark, empty trailer. He sunk onto his bed, springs squeaking under his weight, and dropped his head to his hands. He found he could hardly stretch his arms out because of that damn suit jacket. He shucked off all his clothes and slipped under the covers. He stared at a crack in the ceiling. Finally, he closed his eyes and let himself drift off._

* * *

"Ennis!" Jack cried out. "Ennis, where are you?" He was wandering through the house, bleating like a lamb. "Ennis?"

"Christ, Jack, what's wrong with you? Can't a man take a piss without being put on the missing person list?" He was still zipping up his pants. Jack sighed and put his hands on Ennis's shoulders.

"Just haven't seen you much today, is all."

"Hmm. Figured you'd seen 'bout as much as you could handle last night." There was a twinkle in Ennis's eye. Jack blushed.

"Well, not quite. Don't think there's such thing as too much Ennis…" He leaned forward, eyes half closed.

"That so…" Ennis closed the gap and felt Jack smiling against his lips. Jack was glad Ennis hadn't quite had the opportunity to finish buckling his belt. Just as Jack was taking advantage of this fact, sliding his hands ever lower and lower, the front door burst open and the sound of their three youngest children wafted in. They sprang apart quickly, breathing hard, and Ennis zipped his pants and buckled his belt. Jack tried to flatten his hair.

"Hello?" Gracie called out. Taking another steadying breath and straightening Jack's collar, Ennis yelled back,

"Hey, you guys are home a little early, ain'tcha?" Jack couldn't help laughing.

"No. School's always been out at three." Jason sounded confused. Now Ennis was laughing too. They were leaning against the wall, laughing too hard to speak, and one look at each other set them off again.

"Daddy, where are you?" Nathan asked. His voice got louder as he walked down the hall, looking for them. He cocked his head to one side.

"What's so funny?" He asked. "And how come your shirts are un-tucked?"

* * *

Dinner was rushed that night. Gracie had a ballet recital, and they still had to get all the night chores done. The chores took longer that night, because Nathan wanted to help and Ennis couldn't tell him no. He had a tendency to get in the way, not to mention spook the fillies with his squeaky, excited yelps. To keep him out of the way, Ennis gave him the job of brushing down Applesauce. Jason and Bobby made appropriate "Oooh" sounds, and Nathan was proud Ennis trusted him enough.

Applesauce was the oldest horse they had, and debatably the oldest horse, ever. She was the horse Gracie and Nathan were allowed to ride without anyone else's help, mostly because she hadn't broken a walk in probably five years. As Nathan waved the brush around excitedly, once even accidentally bopping her in the nose, she swiveled a bored ear in his direction. Other than that, she didn't move once. Ennis mixed in some molasses with her grain as a reward.

In the car on the way to the recital, Nathan went on and on about his big job.

"And then Daddy said I could brush Applesauce!" He looked at Gracie triumphantly, waiting for her to be as impressed as everyone else had been. She rolled her eyes.

"Natey, Daddy let you brush Applesauce because—"

"Because you're so good with the horses!" Jack broke in, a slight warning in his voice that Gracie picked up on. She huffed self-importantly.

"Well, _I_ have a solo tonight." She bragged for the hundredth time. "Mrs. Marks said I was the best dancer she has ever seen." This exaggeration was announced just as they pulled into the school parking lot. Gracie scrambled over Nathan and Jenny, all three squeezed into the backseat, and flung the door open. Without another word, she tore over to where the other girls were huddled, a mass of pink and sparkles. Ennis rubbed the bridge of his nose. All those girls together often gave him a headache.

Bobby and Jason were playing hangman on a pad of paper they'd brought. Jenny was pretending she didn't care that they wouldn't let her play, and Nathan was whining.

"Daddy, this is _boring_," he said loudly. A parent in front of them turned and shushed him angrily. Ennis covered Nathan's mouth.

"Nathan, Gracie's coming up soon. Then this thing's over and we can go home." Jack sounded more relieved than scolding.

Just then, Gracie made her grand entrance. Jack whipped out the camera and took pictures every five seconds, like he was some sort of reporter. Ennis was going blind from the combination of the flash and those damn spotlights the stage manager kept flashing all over. Nathan stood up in his seat so he could see over the heads in front of him.

Gracie had a huge smile on her face from all the whooping and hollering her family was doing. Her skinny little body moved pretty gracefully, Ennis decided. Almost as if he had jinxed his poor daughter with that thought, Gracie lost her balance on a turn and fell. She scrambled back up, but now the smile was gone and she was crying. The music ended, and there was an awkward moment where no one cheered. Finally, Jenny, shooting a helpless look at Bobby, screamed loudly, "Yeah Gracie!" and broke the silence. The audience clapped politely, and the family made a ton of noise. Nathan sank back into his seat as the house lights came on.

"Daddy," he asked conversationally. "Was Gracie supposed to fall on her butt like that?"

* * *

Ennis went to Gracie's room later that night, meaning to check on her, but he heard voices inside and stopped just outside the door to listen.

"You danced real good tonight, baby." Jack told her. Ennis heard sniffles.

"No I didn't!" Gracie wailed. "I fell!"

"You did?" Jack sounded surprised. "I thought you meant to do that."

"Don't lie, Daddy."

"I'm not lying! I thought it was part of the dance. Looked pretty good to me." Ennis fought down a laugh. If anything were the opposite of pretty good, it would be that fall Gracie took. But Jack was studiously sticking to his story.

"…Yeah, betcha you'll get a solo in the next one, too. And they'll put that part in for real, 'cause it looked so good."

_

* * *

_

_A shaft of sunlight fell over Ennis. He shifted in his sleep and cracked one eye open. Instantly, he sat bolt upright. The bright sun outside told him it had to be past eight. He glanced at his clock—sure enough, eight thirty six. He ripped the blankets off and scrambled into his jeans and a shirt. No shower, no breakfast. Not today. He should've been at work almost an hour ago._

_"Del Mar!" Owerson was angry. "Where have you been?"_

_"I'm real sorry, sir. I musta slept right through my alarm this morning."_

_"You have too much to drink at your dinner last night?"_

_Ennis paused. That explanation would make more sense to a man like Owerson than any reason Ennis could've scrambled around in his brain for. He certainly couldn't tell his boss that he'd been too engrossed in sweet dreams to wake up._

_"Uh, yessir, I guess I must have." He looked down at his boots and squinched his eyes up, as if the sun was too bright and he had a pounding headache._

_"Well, I don't want you moaning 'bout no hangover." Owerson said, though both of them knew there was no danger of that ever happening. "You just get on to working."_

_"Yessir." Ennis trudged out to the barn that wasn't his, opening heavy doors he hadn't picked out, and looked down the row of stalls full of horses he hadn't had any input in buying. He sighed, shoveling grain he hadn't paid for into feed buckets he didn't like the color of. He was working by himself, the other ranch hands off loafing around or putting up that new fence._

_He couldn't wait for the day to be over so he could get back to his own ranch, his own family. His own Jack_.


	3. Chapter 3

_Ennis del Mar wore a suit that actually fit, for one of the first times in his life. He stood fidgeting in a church—his usual reaction to being in church—and he was freshly showered and clean-shaven. Anyone who knew him well and saw him then knew this was a special occasion._

_"Mr. del Mar?" One of the ushers appeared at his elbow, one of the boys from Junior's school. "Are you ready? Alma's getting ready to come out now."_

_"Uh, yeah." He followed the usher to the back of the small chapel, stomach in knots. How ready could a man be to walk his baby down the aisle and hand her off to another man? What if this Kurt fella was a no-good, violent man? Ennis's blood boiled at the thought of that roughneck hurting Junior. But then he looked to the front of the church, saw Kurt with a shy, nervous smile. This man wouldn't hurt Junior._

_"Daddy?" Junior asked in a small voice from behind him. He turned and saw her, just out of sight to the people in the chapel. Her auburn hair was all done up in spirals and she looked downright angelic in her white dress. Ennis felt his throat tighten and tears pool in his eyes. He blinked fast a few times._

_"You sure do look heavenly, darlin."_

_With those last words, Ennis took his daughter's arm in his own and led his baby girl to the new man in her life._

_

* * *

_

_"Daddy, you alright?" Jenny sounded concerned._

_"I'm fine, darlin."_

_"You sure? You seem sad." She sat down next to him, reaching down and unbuckling her shoes with a sigh._

_"Oh, just thinking on how you girls ain't little no more. Your sister done get married, here you are looking ready to run off yourself."_

_"Daaaddy," Jenny rolled her eyes. "I'm only seventeen. I ain't gonna run off and get married already!"_

_"I like to hear that," Ennis told her with a small chuckle._

_"Daddy?" Jenny asked suddenly, eyes darker now. "How come you don't date no more? You dated that girl a while back, but you ain't been out with anyone for a long time now. Don't you think you'd be happier?"_

_Ennis sucked in a breath. How could he answer that? How could he tell her that no, he would not be happier, not if he couldn't have Jack?_

_"I don't know, darlin. Guess I just haven't found anyone."_

_"Well you aren't even looking," she said, a touch crossly. "How do you expect to find anyone when all you do is work all day?" Ennis sighed._

_"Jenny, darlin, I'm not so sure I want to find anyone, alright?" She recognized the finality in his voice and hastily changed the subject._

* * *

_Ennis sighed as he unlocked the door to his little trailer. The days were getting warmer, but nights were still cold. He didn't have heat; didn't see the point in wasting the money when nothing could really ward off the cold he felt. Nothing but Jack._

* * *

"Ennis? You feeling alright, Cowboy?" Jack's voice hummed into Ennis's ear, concerned that Ennis wasn't out of bed when it was nearly seven. Ennis just groaned. His head was pounding, his chest was all tight, and his throat was on fire. He was _not_ feeling all right, but he knew he needed to get out of bed and get the morning milking done. He was thinking about getting up when Jack's cool hand came to rest against his forehead.

"You're burning up!" Jack said accusingly. "How long you been feeling lousy?" Truth be told, Ennis had known he was getting sick. He'd felt it, and ignored it, all week long. He just shrugged at Jack, not wanting to talk.

"Well, you go back to sleep. Me and the boys'll handle the chores."

"Jack," Ennis started to protest, but his voice was a croak, and talking felt like he was dragging sandpaper across his throat.

"Shut up, you," Jack scolded, somehow managing to put affection in there, too. He dropped a quick kiss to Ennis's burning forehead. "Go to sleep." He whispered. "I'll be back up later."

Ennis drifted in and out of sleep all morning, not sure how long he was in bed. Jack came in with a tray around lunchtime.

"You want to try some soup?" He asked. Ennis wanted to laugh at the sight of Jack, still wearing muddy boots and bearing a suspicious stain on the hem of his pant leg, carrying a tray and trying to be motherly. He managed a smile and Jack helped him sit up a little, propped up on pillows.

"Here, open up," Jack commanded, bringing the spoon to Ennis's lips.

"Jack, I can feed myself." Ennis voice was raspy.

"I don't care." Jack jabbed the spoon menacingly at Ennis, who obediently opened up. That Jack Twist sure was bossy.

After Jack had force-fed a bowl of soup to Ennis, he set the tray aside and pulled Ennis into his arms, stroking the curls off the sick man's forehead. Ennis closed his eyes and rested his head against Jack's chest with a small sigh.

"Don't reckon anyone's ever held you like this when you're sick afore, huh?" Jack's voice was a low murmur, his lips in Ennis's hair.

"Not far as I can remember, that's for sure."

"I don't think you've ever been sick, long as I've known you, Ennis." Jack's hand was tracing a slow, loopy pattern through Ennis's hair, down his shoulder, back up his neck again.

"Don't get sick much."

"Or you just don't let anybody know you're sick." Ennis had to shrug at that. It was probably true. "But, Mr. del Mar," Jack went on, tightening his arm around Ennis's shoulders. "Now that I'm here, I'm gonna find out when you're sick. And I'ma take care of you, cowboy."

Ennis felt a strange feeling. He felt completely full, completely warm. He could cry, but he didn't feel the need. He felt…safe. It was a new feeling. Ennis turned his head and kissed Jack. They stayed in bed for a long time, Jack's boots getting the sheets dirty, Ennis all tucked in to Jack's arms. Their kisses were slow and warm. Ennis found himself dozing, thinking lazily _I never want to move_.

But suddenly he jerked away, out of Jack's arms and most of all, away from his lips.

"What?" Jack asked, a little hurt.

"I don't want you getting sick, bud."

"Aw, Ennis, you worried about me?" Jack teased.

"No, I just know you'd complain like a bitch." Jack laughed and grabbed Ennis, holding on tight when he tried to squirm away.

"Don't worry, Ennis, I got a Superman immune system. I don't never get sick." Ennis didn't believe him, but he was cold without Jack's arms, so he nestled back in.

"'Sides," Jack hummed a minute later. "If I get sick, that means we can do some more of this."

"Mm, in that case…" Ennis pulled Jack in for a deep kiss. They were lost in their own world of kisses, their lips and their tongues the only things that mattered, when the phone on the bedside table rang. Jack sighed, annoyed, but pulled away.

"Let it go," Ennis whispered. Jack shook his head, scooting over to reach for the phone.

"What if it's one of the kids?" Jack always worried that one of the kids would call and there would be no one to answer the phone. He never wanted his kids to be stuck somewhere, sitting outside a payphone, crying for their daddy. After he'd explained that scenario to Ennis, they'd gone out the same day and gotten a phone for their room.

"Hello? Yes, this is Jack Twist." Ennis ran a hand up Jack's leg. The leg in question twitched and Jack sent him a laughingly scolding look. "What? They _what_?" Now Jack sat up, his voice getting confused and then angry. Ennis sat up, too, mouthing _what's wrong? _to Jack. Jack held up a hand, then ran it through his hair.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll be right there."

"What? Where are we going? Is something wrong?"

"Jason and Bobby got in a fight today at school." Jack got off the bed, pacing angrily.

"Why the hell were they fighting?"

"I don't know, Ennis, that's why I'm going down there!" Jack cursed, looking for his hat. Ennis eased out of the bed, picking his jeans up off the floor and pulling them on.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked.

"Getting dressed…I don't have too much experience with schools, but I'm sure they like you to wear clothes."

"You're not coming. You're sick. Get back in bed." Jack started to push Ennis back to the bed, but a look from Ennis stopped him.

"Jack Twist, my boys got in a fight today. I gotta go down there, same as you, find out what's happened. I gotta know how bad I gotta tan their hides." At that, Jack stopped moving.

"You're not going to hit them." His breathing was suddenly shallow. "Ennis, we've never hit them yet and we're not going to start now. You don't teach a boy not to fight by smacking him around!"

"Christ, Jack, it's an expression!" Ennis pulled a shirt over his head and grabbed his hat. He saw Jack's under the bed and grabbed it, too. The car ride was quiet and tense. Every once and a while, Jack would mutter,

"Fighting in school. Taught those boys better."

Finally, just when Ennis couldn't hardly stand it any longer, they pulled into the school parking lot, gravel flying. Ennis was having a hard time figuring out what Jack was so worked up over. Boys fought. Sure, it was wrong, but it wasn't something to get _that_ upset over.

They walked into the principal's waiting room, and seated right there in two chairs were Jason and Bobby. Jason's nose was bleeding and Bobby's lip was split open. Both of them would have nice shiners come morning, Ennis could see.

"Well, what in the hell happened?" Jack started angrily. Before the boys could say anything, the principal came out.

"Mr. Twist, Mr. del Mar, if you could come in my office, please…"

"One minute, sir, we're asking these boys what happened." Ennis didn't like the looks of this man. He'd always been a little leery around schools.

"Please talk to me _first_." His voice was firm and commanding. Neither Ennis nor Jack had spent a lot of time around principals, so, with a half glance at each other, they stepped in to the office.

"Your boys were involved in a large fight earlier today, as I told you on the phone, Mr. Twist. The way the other boy, Nicholas Jefferson, tells it, he was sitting in the cafeteria, eating, when your boys attacked him."

"Well, that's bullshit," Jack broke in hotly. "Our boys wouldn't just ambush a boy minding his own business."

"That is the story as Nicholas tells it."

"Of course that's how he tells it," Ennis argued accusingly. "He doesn't want to get himself in trouble. Did you listen to the boys's side of it?"

"They refused to talk. Now, my hands are tied, here. Fighting is grounds for suspension, at the very least. I don't want to suspend your boys, but I'm afraid I have to." He didn't look all that sorry. He looked pretty smug. Ennis wanted to follow his sons's example and lay a punch right on Mr. James's fat pig nose.

"How long?" Jack fumed.

"Well…they hurt Nicholas pretty bad."

"How bad?" Ennis asked. He was almost proud. Until he remembered it had been two on one. Then he was just embarrassed.

"He has a broken nose and will require stitches in his cheek. And not to mention the damage Bobby did." At the confused looks he was receiving, Mr. James pursed his lips. "When a teacher finally pulled the boys apart, Bobby was on top of Nicholas, pinning him down and punching him repeatedly in the stomach."

"Christ." Jack brought a hand up to his face. "So how long they getting?"

"Jason will be suspended for two days. I'm going to have to keep Bobby out of school for a full week." With that, Mr. James signed some papers and handed them to Ennis. Jack was up on his feet, pacing angrily. When they came out of the office, he grabbed an ear of Jason's and an arm of Bobby's and marched the boys out of the school, Ennis trailing behind. As soon as they were in the truck, Jack exploded.

"What the hell is all this about! Why the fuck were you two fighting two on one to some poor kid eating his lunch?"

"That's not what happened!" Jason shouted back.

"Well then why didn't you tell Mr. Fuckin' James what _did_ happen?"

"We did and he didn't believe us! He just said we were dirty liars and we weren't no good!" Jason was fuming. Bobby still hadn't said anything. Jack quieted a little.

"What do you mean?"

"It doesn't matter." Bobby finally broke in quietly. "It doesn't matter what he said." Ennis could feel something in the pit of his stomach. Mr. James had said something about him and Jack. Ennis looked him in the eye.

"What did he say?" Ennis asked quietly. Bobby sighed and looked down. He didn't say anything else, his lips tight, so Jason took over.

"When we told him what happened…he said we were no good dirty liars. And I asked him why he said that, when we ain't never been in trouble before, and…" Jason hesitated. Bobby was staring resolutely out of the window.

"What did he say?" Ennis growled. Jack was leaning against the steering wheel, one hand on his forehead. He knew what was coming next as well as Ennis did.

"He said…anyone who came from…Daddy, I don't want to say it," Jason looked down.

"Queers?" Ennis choked out. "He said you weren't no good because you come from two queers?" Jack sighed and pounded a fist against the steering wheel. Jason shook his head, eyes still down.

"He didn't say queers," Jason whispered. Bobby elbowed him.

"Shut up, Jason."

"What did he say?" Ennis's eyes were blazing.

"He said…" Jason hesitated.

"What did he say?" Ennis's teeth were clenched so hard he thought they'd break.

"Don't make me say it," Jason begged.

"Tell me what he said, goddamnit!"

"Faggots. He called you f-faggots." There was a hitch in Jason's voice as he stumbled over that awful word.

"I didn't know a principal could say those things, Daddy. Seems he should be better than that." Jason had tears in his voice. Ennis was fully prepared to march back into that office and teach that bastard a lesson. He was about to push past his two sons; he was reaching for the door handle when he heard Jack's sniffle. Jack stuffed his fist in his mouth, but he was crying. Ennis slid his arms around Jack, kissed his hair.

"Oh, darlin. That man ain't worth shit. Don't you go putting stock in what he says."

"Why do our kids gotta go through this?" Jack sobbed. "How long they gonna have to deal with people calling their daddies faggots, how long they gonna have to fight on our account?" He leaned into Ennis and cried. Ennis felt tears on his own face. He didn't have any answers for Jack, so he just held him.

Finally, Jack sighed, pushed away from Ennis. He swiped the tears away, wiped his nose on the back of his hand. He gave his boys a watery smile.

"I sure am sorry to be putting on such a show for you boys," he said with a laugh. Ennis pushed his own tears off his cheeks. Jason started sobbing, bawling his eyes out like the day he was born. Bobby still hadn't met Jack or Ennis's eyes.

"Oh, Jason," Ennis chuckled a little, throwing a long arm around his son. Jason was still young enough to sob fully onto Ennis's chest.

"I don't never want to go back there!"

"Well, you're gonna have to, son. There's a lot of stupid bastards in this world, boys, and you just gotta learn to ignore 'em."

* * *

A few hours later, when Ennis was tucking Gracie into bed, she turned her face to him.

"Daddy, what's a whore?" she asked. Ennis jumped a little.

"Where'd you hear that word?" He snapped.

"That's what Nicholas called Jenny today. That's why Jason punched him."

"What?"

"Nicholas called Jenny a whore and said he'd give her what she wanted one of these days, and he grabbed her arm. And Jason was right there and then he punched Nicholas. And then a bunch of Nicholas's friends came over and started hitting Jason, and Bobby ran over and knocked all of them down." She was quiet for a minute.

"Is a whore a bad, bad thing, Daddy?"

"Yes, darlin, it is."

"Okay." She closed her eyes. Ennis turned to leave.

"Daddy? Jenny's not a whore, is she?"

"No, she's not."

"And that's why Jason and Bobby beat those boys up for saying that 'bout her?"

"Yep."

"Okay." She closed her eyes again, but again, when Ennis turned to leave, her squeaky little voice brought him back again.

"Daddy?"

"What, Gracie?" His voice was a tired sigh.

"Do you think Jason and Bobby would punch someone if they called _me_ a bad name?" She looked up at him through her thick lashes, sounding uncertain. He dropped another kiss to her forehead.

"Of course they would, darlin."

"Okay." Her eyes drooped and Ennis quietly closed the door behind him. He rested his head against the wood for a minute before walking to the room Jason and Bobby shared. Jason was down in the kitchen, talking animatedly with Jack—their voices wafted up the stairs. Bobby was lying on his back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. When Ennis walked in, Bobby looked at him and looked away. Ennis could see tears on his face.

Ennis didn't say anything, but he crossed the room to sit next to Bobby on the bed. They sat in silence for a minute, Bobby sniffing every so often.

"Dad," he finally croaked. "Daddy, I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"For fighting." He brushed a hand across his face. Ennis sighed.

"Bobby, why didn't you tell us _why_ you boys were fighting?" Bobby just shrugged. Ennis looked at him for a minute. "Son, did you even know why?"

"Well…not at first."

"So you just decided to jump in?"

"I looked over and saw four boys beating up Jason. What'd you want me to do? And all of 'em were bigger and older than him, too. It weren't no fair fight."

"And when did you find out why you were beating the shit outta them boys?"

"Well, all of them were pretty much done…but then Jason told me what Nicholas said, and I had to go get him. I hadn't hit him yet; pansy just laid there while I walloped his buddies."

"You hit a man that was already down?" Ennis wasn't sure how felt about that. He was proud of his son for stepping in and helping his brother, and especially for taking four boys bigger than him, but hitting someone already on the floor, well…

"First of all, he ain't no man. A man doesn't spit lies out about a girl like Jenny." Well, he had a point there. "And second, he was starting to stand up, anyway."

Ennis surprised both of them when he barked out a laugh.

"Well, I guess that's alright then, huh?" He chuckled. Bobby smiled, but his face darkened again.

"Hey, Dad? All them things Mr. James said…" He bit his swollen lip. Ennis started to break in, didn't want to talk about that fucking principal, but Bobby wanted to get this out.

"Dad, I know you told us to forget that, and I know you said he ain't worth shit, but…I just wanted to tell you that…well, are you sure _you_ can forget what he said? I just wanted to make sure you knew that…well, that what he said ain't true. I mean…shit, I don't know how to say it." Bobby looked down at his hands. Ennis felt tears in his eyes. How did he get to this point? How could he have raised this boy into such a man?

"I know what you're trying to say." He told Bobby. He pulled his son into a tight embrace, squeezing him tight.

* * *

Jack and Ennis were curled up together under the covers.

"Jack?"

"Hmm." Jack's voice was muffled, fighting its way to Ennis's ears through the blankets Jack was burrowed under.

"I love you."

"Love you too, Ennis." Ennis could hear rather than see Jack's smile. In all their years together, Jack still smiled every time Ennis mustered up the courage to say those three words. He even abandoned sleep to kiss Ennis. And that, Ennis knew, was a big deal. Because Jack Twist was a man who loved his sleep. But he loved his Ennis even more.

_

* * *

_

_Ennis woke to a pounding on his door. It was Sunday morning at—he glanced at the clock—eight forty nine. Who would be banging on his door like that? He pulled jeans on hastily, deciding against a shirt. Bare-chested, he flung the door open._

_Suddenly, there was no air. His head spun dangerously, and the earth flew off its axis. He must still be dreaming. He gasped, staring, openmouthed, at the person on the other side of the door._

_He'd opened the door to reveal the same blue eyes he'd just woken up from._


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This chapter is way short. No Ennis-dreams this time, sorry. I'm leaving early tomorrow morning for camp and didn't want to leave any readers hanging for a week with the last chapter's cliffie. When I get home I'll write an extra-long chapter to make up for this one's shortness, I promise!

* * *

In a rush, Ennis realized that he was not looking at Jack. This person had Jack's eyes, Jack's hair; even much of Jack's face, but this wasn't Jack. For one thing, this boy was a baby-faced teenager, probably not even shaving yet. For another, he was missing the mole above his upper-lip that drove Ennis wild.

"Are you Ennis del Mar?" the boy asked. His voice was even Jack's. Holding tight to the doorframe to support himself, Ennis nodded. His brain, fuzzy with shock, was slowly grinding to work. He figured this was probably Jack's son, Bobby. He was about the right age, if Ennis remembered right. But what was he doing here? Finally, his voice found its way up through his chest.

"Who are you?" He'd meant to sound more polite, but instead he sounded aggravated, angry.

"Oh. Uh, my name is Bobby Twist. Um, I know I've never met you, but I know you were real good friends with my daddy, Jack." Bobby had a look in his eyes Ennis couldn't quite place. A kind of needy hunger, a searching look that Ennis couldn't meet head on. It was a familiar look coming from familiar eyes, but not from the right person.

"Yes. Your daddy and I…we was real good friends."

"That's what he always said. So that's why I came. I mean…there are things about my dad that I've never known, and I want to know 'em. So I thought I'd ask his friends. But he didn't really have any close friends…besides you." Bobby looked down at the ground, shuffling his feet awkwardly for a minute.

"I'm sure you knew everything about your daddy," Ennis lied. Bobby brought his eyes to meet Ennis's. Ennis couldn't hold his gaze.

"Thing is, Mr. del Mar—"

"Ennis."

"Sorry. Ennis, thing is…I don't really got anyone to talk to him about. My Momma don't like to talk about him, and my grandparents definitely don't like to talk about him. My friends…I can't talk to my friends about that."

"About…?"

"About my dead daddy. About how much I miss him, even now. I ain't got no brothers or sisters to talk about it with, no girl to tell these things to. I just thought…well, he always said you was his best friend. He was always happy when he was about to go fishing with you. So I thought maybe…" Bobby sighed. "I'm sorry. I'll just leave."

He turned to leave, shoulders slumped, Jack's battered black hat jammed on his head. Something pulled at Ennis—maybe it was the memory of all those times he'd seen his Jack walk away from him looking the same way.

"Bobby," he said gruffly. "Why don't you come in? You just drove fourteen hours to get here, huh? Use a little coffee and some food, prob'ly."

* * *

Bobby and Ennis were sitting at the kitchen table—if it could be called a table—drinking coffee. They weren't talking about Jack, but Bobby was definitely his father's son. He talked Ennis's ear off the entire time.

"…And I'll be starting on the football team come fall. I play offense _and_ defense. My daddy said—" He broke off and stared into his coffee, finally quieted.

"Your daddy would've loved to see you play. He come to all your games before, huh?" Ennis knew he had—they'd had to plan their trips around Bobby's sports seasons because Jack hated to miss anything. Bobby nodded, downcast. He was just fixing to say something, something important from the look of his face and the set to his jaw, when Ennis's trailer door burst open and his girls flew threw the door.

"Happy Father's Day, Daddy!" Junior called. Both girls stopped when they spotted Bobby.

"Oh. Sorry, we…we didn't realize you had company," Junior ventured. How could they? Ennis never had company that wasn't them.

"It's no problem, ma'am. I'm Bobby Twist." He flashed that sweet smile he'd inherited and turned on the charm, standing up tall and offering his chair with a grand sweep of his hand. "Sure is a pleasure to make an acquaintance as pretty as the two of you, and in one day, too!" Junior flushed and took the offered chair. Jenny rolled her eyes.

"Twist?" Jenny asked. "Daddy, don't you got a fishing buddy name of Twist?"

"Yeah, this is Jack's son, Bobby."

"Did he bring his daddy with him?" Junior asked. "We only met him just the one time." Ennis coughed uncomfortably. Bobby was, for once, at a loss for words.

"My daddy died a couple months ago…" He said slowly. He looked at Ennis questioningly, and Ennis looked away.

"Oh…" Junior was confused and embarrassed to have brought it up. Jenny just stared at Ennis for a minute. Like her father, she thought more than she talked. But unlike her father, she had perceptiveness beyond her years. Ennis shifted beneath her gaze, feeling like he was being x-rayed.

"Well," Junior finally said. "We brought you some things, Daddy, as it's Father's Day. I just wanted to be quick, and Kurt's taking his daddy a present, and then we're going up to Casper for a few days."

Ennis gave her a quick hug.

"Thank you, darlin. Sure means a lot." He turned to hug Jenny, but she had taken his vacated chair.

"Daddy?" She asked quietly. "Alright if I stay?"

"O'course, darlin. Uh…" Ennis looked awkwardly at Bobby. "Bobby, you're welcome to stay, too. Not much room, and I know it's a might step down from your own house, but …"

"Thank you, Ennis. I'd…if it ain't no trouble, I'd like it very much."

_This is sure to be interesting_, Ennis found himself thinking. Long as Ennis had known Jack, things were always interesting with a Twist around.


	5. Chapter 5

_Ennis was stretched out on his back on the floor. Jenny was asleep in his bed and he'd made up a bed for Bobby on the lumpy couch. At first Bobby had protested, but Ennis refused to let a guest sleep on the floor. Especially Jack's son. Ennis found himself staring at Bobby countless times. He drank in his face, so much like Jack's but so different at the same time._

_Bobby had those blue, blue eyes—but they didn't have the same spunk. Sure, some of it was there. But he also had that harsh, haunted look that Ennis was familiar with in his own face. Jack hadn't had that look in his eyes until near the end of his life, and even then only infrequently. Bobby had the smile and the dimples—but it was harder to come by than Jack's had always been. There was a certain caution in it, like he wasn't sure what the reaction would be if he truly let the smile loose._

_Ennis tucked an arm behind his head, looking up at the cracked ceiling. He should sleep. He'd have to get up extra early to get Jenny to school on time before work. What was Bobby going to do while Ennis was at work? He considered taking the day off. Owerson wouldn't be happy, but he would never fire Ennis—both of them knew that. Ennis tried not to take advantage of that knowledge too often, but in extreme cases he used it. He just might tomorrow._

_He rolled over to his side with a soft sigh. How could he sleep with Jack's only child right there in the room with him? There was so much he wanted to know, to ask Bobby; things a person could only know from living with Jack, stupid little things like whether or not he put the toilet seat down when he was through taking a piss._

_Ennis's eyes were heavy. He stopped fighting sleep, tried to let his tired mind stop spinning circles. He'd save his questions for the morning._

* * *

Ennis del Mar was feeling very…_frustrated._ Between wetting the bed, nightmares, and monsters in the closet, Ennis and Jack hadn't had a night alone together in almost a week. Usually that would mean they would take care of their needs while the kids were at school. But the kids weren't at school—Bobby was home all week and Jason was home two of the days. And the boys were suddenly feeling very clingy to Jack and Ennis.

A week was a long time for Jack and Ennis, and Ennis was certainly feeling that week. He was grouchy and on edge. Every time he and Jack came close to doing anything, one of the kids would find them and they'd have to spring apart guiltily.

But it was finally Monday again. All the kids were at school. Jack was in the kitchen, and Ennis was, for some unknown reason, in the barn. _What the hell you doin' out here, del Mar, when that man is alone in the house?_ His mind started conjuring up all kinds of scenes that involved him and Jack alone in the house.

Ennis left the barn very quickly.

He closed the door to the house with a bang. Jack came around the corner. Their eyes met at the same time, their lips following shortly after. Neither of them had to say anything. They both knew it had been a _very_ long week.

Ennis relished the sound of Jack's belt sliding out of the loops of his jeans. His boots hit the floor with muffled thumps. Often, when they'd been apart too long, shirts were done away with in hasty, clumsy passion. But not today.

Jack unbuttoned Ennis's shirt one painful button at a time. When he finally reached the last button, he toyed with it for a minute before finally unbuttoning it. Ennis almost shoved Jack away and did it himself. When they were both finally, blissfully, undressed, Ennis wrapped his arms around Jack. The bare skin-on-skin contact was almost enough to drive him over the edge. But Jack wanted to take care of that himself.

The hardwood floor beneath Ennis was cold on his bare skin, but Jack's body on top of him was warm. Ennis was arching up while Jack pushed down, their mouths tangled and forceful. But then Jack's mouth was gone, moving down and down. Ennis clenched Jack's hair, moaning and sighing and sweating. Distantly, he could hear that the radio was on, but for the life of him he could not name what songs played.

Just before Ennis dropped over the edge, Jack stopped. Their need for each other was unbearable. Wordlessly, Ennis pulled Jack up. They stumbled to their bedroom, still kissing and grabbing at each other. Neither bothered closing the door—their front door was locked and the kids were at school. And in their haze of passion, neither really thought of it.

The empty house was the only witness to their panting, their clenched-teeth grunts, the squeaking and groaning of the bed, and, finally, their release.

_

* * *

_

_Ennis's alarm was going off in the corner of the trailer. He could hear it, knew he needed to get up and shut it off before it woke Jenny, but he couldn't move. He had a slight problem on his hands—well, not his hands, exactly. He heard the alarm shut off and silently cursed himself. Why did he have to have that dream _now_, with two teenagers in the house with him? And now Jenny was up; there was certainly nothing he could do about it now. He stayed still for a minute, focusing on work, church, reciting what few math facts he knew from school—anything to bring his breathing back to normal and rid his mind of the memory feeling of Jack's hands on his chest, hot breath on his neck._

_Finally, Ennis felt comfortable enough to get up. He made coffee and drank two cups while waiting for Jenny to get out of the shower. Bobby woke up and wandered to the table, looking so much like his father in his early morning fog that Ennis had to draw in a sharp breath and stare into his coffee to stop that ache in his chest._

_Finally Jenny was ready to go to school. Ennis turned to Bobby._

_"Uh, I've got to work today…what're you thinking you're going to do?" Bobby picked at a loose fleck of wood on the table, shifted in his seat, and looked up slowly._

_"Be alright if I came and worked with you? Your boss don't have to pay me or nothin, but I was thinking we could talk while we worked."_

_Ennis didn't know what to say. On the one hand, he knew Owerson would welcome free labor. But on the other, he didn't know if he could talk about Jack out in the open like that. He shuffled his feet awkwardly, debating._

_"My daddy don't really talk much while he's working," Jenny broke in carefully._

_"Oh…" Bobby sounded so disappointed it made Ennis's heart ache. It was the same voice Jack had used when Ennis had turned him away after the divorce. The same nonchalant hurt, that tongue flicking out to brush along that bottom lip._

_"You c'n come along," Ennis's ears heard his mouth saying. "It'll be alright."_

_"Sure?" Bobby was careful now, more guarded._

_"Sure."_

_Jenny looked surprised, and Ennis felt the same. He hated people talking to him while he worked. He had been raised too polite to completely ignore a person talking to him, but he found most talk draining and a hassle. He knew talking to Bobby would be worse than talking to anyone else. Here was the one person in the world most like Jack without _being_ Jack. And he wanted to talk about Jack. Ennis didn't talk about Jack. Ever. Just thinking of him made his stomach hurt with a fierce burning ache._

_

* * *

_

_Jenny kissed her father's cheek before sliding out of his truck. She didn't ask him any questions, much to his relief. She politely said good-bye to Bobby before closing the door. She waited for Ennis to drive off. Then she walked quickly away from the school. No point in going to school. Not when school had been out almost two weeks._

_From Bobby's endless chattering the day before and Ennis's nostalgic nods, she'd found out Jack had ridden rodeo. One of the men she knew from church had been a rodeo clown in Texas years and years ago. She would simply ask him if he'd ever heard of a Jack Twist. If Bobby was going to be bringing up this man with her father, she wanted to know all she could about him._

_

* * *

_

_"So, uh, Ennis, I know you and my daddy herded sheep together?" Bobby leaned against his pitchfork for a minute, squinting at Ennis in the bright sunlight. Ennis didn't know why this was a question, or what he was supposed to say in response. So he picked up another shovel full of manure and dropped into the wheelbarrow. Silence didn't daunt Bobby, much to Ennis's chagrin._

_"He used to talk about Brokeback Mountain like it were the greatest place on earth." Ennis wanted to tell Bobby that it was. It truly was. Instead, he kept his eyes low and his hands steady._

_"But I was wondering how it could be so wonderful. Whenever Daddy came back from one of them fishing trips up there, he was always…I don't know. Different. He drank more when he came home. He'd stay drunk the whole first night home. And I mean shit-faced drunk."_

_Here, Bobby sighed. Ennis looked up at him._

_"He ever hurt you when he was that drunk?" His question was quiet and careful. He couldn't imagine Jack doing such a thing, but Bobby sounded so hurt by his father's drinking that Ennis wasn't sure. Bobby bristled._

_"O'course not!" He spat, offended. "My daddy wouldn't never hurt me! Thought you was his best friend. Shouldn't a man's best friend known them kinds of things about him?"_

_"I didn't think Jack would ever hurt no one. But you seemed damn regretful about all that drinking." Ennis went back to his shoveling. Bobby stayed motionless for a minute before following suit._

_"Well," he finally added quietly. "I am damn regretful about all that drinking. I always wondered why my daddy had to drink so much. What could make him so miserable when he came home that he had to drink for a day straight. But at the same time, he was always happier when he came back. No, not happier. But less wound up, is all." Bobby chanced a look in Ennis's direction. Ennis didn't say anything, but he felt his cheeks color under Bobby's gaze._

_"Couldn't tell you, bud." Ennis carefully replied. Bobby stared at him for another minute._

_"Okay." He said simply, dropping his shovel. "I'll go empty this wheelbarrow."_

_He was silent the rest of the day. Ennis found his silence dangerous. Surely being quiet that long wasn't a good sign. Not from Jack's son._


	6. Chapter 6

_Ennis stared into a plate of something hot. It was all mush—rice and corn or something like that—but it was the first hot meal he'd made in probably months. Bobby was eating with gusto, not seeming to care that the lumps of food on his plate were mostly tasteless. Or maybe they were just tasteless to Ennis. Ennis couldn't remember the last time he'd actually tasted anything for real._

_"So," Bobby said, leaning back in his chair and dropping his fork with a clatter. Ennis winced at the noise—both the loud clank of the fork and plate and Bobby's expectant voice._

_"Ennis, I was just wondering if you're gon' let me talk." He didn't sound angry. But then again, Ennis never was real good with judging people's moods._

_"Uh…I didn't know I wasn't letting you." He shoveled whatever that food was into his mouth, just to keep busy. Bobby snorted._

_"Ev'rytime I try to bring up my daddy, you change the subject. I thought you were letting me stay because you were going to let me ask you questions."_

_"I thought I was letting you stay so you didn't have to drive all way back to Childress in one night." The biting response was out of his mouth before his mind really caught up to stop him. He winced when the words left his lips, wanting to pull them back. He meant to apologize but couldn't seem to muster up the words. Bobby dropped his head._

_"Look, Ennis, if you want me to go…"_

_"Don't."_

_"Okay then. But…I was really hoping to talk about things."_

_"Why don't we head outside?" Ennis suggested. He wanted Bobby to get distracted, change the subject._

_"Alright," Bobby said evenly. Ennis grabbed a beer from the fridge and—hesitantly—reached for another._

_"You…you're too young for drinking, huh?"_

_"S'pose so."_

_"Ever had a beer before?"_

_"Nope. My daddy said he was gon' buy me my first one and he didn't want me to drink no other time before that. So I never did. And now…" He sighed. "Well, guess it ain't that important."_

_"Well, I was real close to your daddy. S'pose if he can't give you your first beer, maybe it'd be okay if I did?" Ennis wasn't sure if that was an okay thing to offer. What would Jack think of Ennis giving Bobby a beer? Well, Ennis had to admit, Jack would've just been happy that Ennis was anywhere close to Bobby, because it should have meant he was close to Jack, too._

_"I think…think that'd be okay." Bobby sounded choked up, and Ennis realized what exactly that offer held behind it._

_He was offering not just a beer. He was offering some sort of camaraderie—more than that. He was offering to take on a father role. At least for a few hours._

_Ennis and Bobby went out to the porch, quiet. The sun was dipping below the hills off in the distance. Ennis took a swig of beer and looked expectantly at Bobby, who was just staring at his own. Tentatively, he put the bottle to his lips. A tiny, tiny drop made it to his mouth. He made a face._

_"Not very good," he sputtered. Ennis laughed._

_"You'll prob'ly change your mind in a few years." He thought for a minute. "Actually, when I was a little older 'an you, your daddy and me was real big on whiskey." Ennis didn't let too many memories sneak in then—only one he let in was the brush of fingers as a whiskey bottle passed hands. That was a memory unforgettable._

_"He drank whiskey till the day he died. Don't know why he liked it so much. Said it burns all the way down."_

_"Lights a fire in you." Ennis said knowingly._

_"Makes you stupid," Bobby retorted scornfully. Ennis looked at Bobby carefully. What would turn a boy off whiskey and beer so much? In the time he'd been alive, Ennis's own father had been drunk more times than Ennis could count. Ennis knew Jack's father had been the same way, and both had taken to the drink. Jack had never even hit Bobby while he was drunk—what reason did Bobby have?_

_"What bothered you so much 'bout your daddy being drunk if he didn't even hit you?" Ennis asked quietly. When Bobby stayed quiet for a long time, Ennis wondered if he'd really even spoken at all. That happened sometimes—he'd think he said something when he really only thought it. But Bobby's face turned thoughtful, so Ennis figured he must've said it out loud._

_"Drinking always made my daddy talk more," Bobby said slowly. Ennis nodded. He sure knew that. And he knew Jack's constant chatter could grate on your nerves, especially when he was drunk, but it wasn't _that_ bad._

_"So?" Ennis prodded._

_"So…he talked more 'bout things he wouldn't talk about sober. Things like…like his daddy. And…" Bobby sighed, looked Ennis in the face. "You." The word floated to Ennis on the June breeze, making him shiver more than the falling sun._

_"What…why'd…I don't know what you're talking 'bout." Ennis finally tried to defend himself._

_"He told me some things." Bobby's eyes were off Ennis now, staring away to the distance. "Not much. Just things about herding sheep up on Brokeback. Things about fishing trips."  
"What things about fishing trips?" Ennis asked frantically. His voice was higher than normal. How could Jack have been so stupid? Bobby looked confused._

_"Nothing, really…that's the problem. He didn't never make sense when he was drunk. He'd talk about them trips being the best times and being the worst times and how it killed him inside to come home. But I don't get it. What's so great about fishing?"_

_Ennis tried to slow his breathing. Okay. Jack hadn't let his tongue slip too far._

_"Bobby…"_

_"And then there were other things he'd say," Bobby interrupted, talking faster now. God, he looked so much like Jack in the moment that Ennis almost broke down. "He'd talk about you like you couldn't do no wrong. But then he'd get mad at you, right there talking to me! He'd yell and kick at the chairs and throw the whiskey bottle. He always said 'Ennis fucking del Mar ain't never gonna change, don't know why I try.' He said that every time. I never knew what he meant and I still don't. But I hoped you would." Bobby looked hopefully at Ennis._

_Ennis felt the hot prick of tears. _Don't you cry_, he commanded his eyes. _Don't you fucking dare_. But his eyes, never very good listeners—that was the ear's job, after all—betrayed him. Soon he found himself gulping and heaving, right there on his front porch. Bobby looked shocked._

_"Should've just changed," Ennis heard himself sob. "Why'm I so damn stubborn?" And then the words ended, but Ennis wasn't silent. His words melted into one long, pained moan. He couldn't stop it and couldn't talk around it and couldn't see through it. Pain was all he felt these days._

_He felt Bobby's arms around him. Just like Jack, Bobby never worried about awkwardness. When someone needed comforting, he was there. And now, he held Ennis and didn't talk, because he somehow instinctively knew that was what Ennis needed._

_Ennis reveled in those arms. Not because he could close his eyes and pretend it was Jack holding him. But because he didn't need to wish himself to a different place right then. He surrendered himself to the pain and let someone hold him while he cried._

_

* * *

_

_That night, Ennis was on the couch. Bobby was sitting on the floor at his feet. It was nearly midnight. Bobby didn't ask any specifics about what Jack and Ennis were, and Ennis didn't offer any. But Ennis knew that Bobby knew. Instead, Ennis found himself talking to Bobby about the little things about Jack._

_"And he wrinkled his nose when he laughed." Ennis said, a small chuckle and a sigh coming out together. Bobby smiled. Ennis couldn't see it, but he could hear it in his voice._

_"Yeah. He used to laugh a lot. I always wanted to make him laugh real hard when I was little. He was my favorite when he laughed."_

_"You know, me too."_

_Ennis couldn't mask the tenderness and the pain in his voice, and it scared him to death. How could he talk with that in his voice, right there with Bobby? What would Bobby think of him? But Bobby didn't say anything about it._

_"Whenever he got mad at me, he'd always look me in the eye and shake his head. But he couldn't stay mad long. If I gave him a puppy dog face, he'd always fold." Bobby said it with a laugh, but Ennis felt shivers on his spine. He'd dreamt that at night. He'd _known_ that about Jack, without actually knowing. Bobby went on talking and laughing, remembering little things about his father fondly._

_Ennis thought about his own father. He didn't remember crying when his daddy had died. He remembered his sister crying, his brother gripping his shoulder tightly at the funeral. But he couldn't remember any emotions. He'd known, he'd understood what had happened. He knew he'd been sad about losing his mother—losing her soft hands against his cheek, her humming, her twinkling eyes whenever she told him stories. He was pretty sure he'd cried for her half of that mound of dirt. He couldn't remember being happy about his father dying, but he sure as hell hadn't been sad._

What kind of person isn't sad when their own father dies?_ Ennis wondered. Surely there were good things about his father. When he let Ennis stay out in the barn with the horses past his bedtime—he'd done that a few times. That'd been good. He'd taken Ennis to a rodeo once, as a real little kid—just six or seven. _

_But that hadn't been good, now had it? He could remember pushing his little hands to his ears, trying to block out the mournful bleating of the little calves. Ennis had dared to say that the calf roping seemed mean to him—seems that poor little calf hadn't done nothing wrong, and he didn't see why that man had to chase him down and tie him up like that. And he'd dared to say it loud enough for his father—and his father's friends—to hear him. That comment had earned him a smack upside the face and taunting laughter ringing around him. He could still hear the crack—"Little pansy!"—hissed at him through clenched teeth._

_He hadn't gone to a rodeo since, and when Jack had brought rodeo up on Brokeback, he'd been relieved that Jack wasn't a calf roper. He still held the idea that it was cruel. It was one thing to chase after a loose calf and tie him up if you needed to. But Ennis didn't like scaring the little things just for fun._

_He knew the feeling of being chased down, running flat out and gasping for air and screaming your lungs out because you're scared, so scared,_knowing_ he was behind you, _knowing_ he was going to catch you and tan your hide harder than ever before—harder than last time, even—_knowing_ that no matter how fast you ran or how loud you screamed, no one was coming to save you, _knowing_ that even if your momma heard you, she couldn't or wouldn't come to you, not till later, so now it was just you alone, running from him…_

"_Ennis?" Bobby's voice made Ennis jump._

"_What?" His voice came out gruffer than he'd planned._

"_Are you…okay?" Bobby sounded cautious, but worried all the same. "You…you were breathing real hard, kind of jerking a little…like you was having a seizure or something. You…you alright?"_

"'_M fine." Ennis wiped a little sweat from his forehead. "Why don't you get on to bed, Bobby?" It was less of a suggestion, more of a command, but Bobby didn't protest. He gave Ennis one last, worried look before getting up._

_Ennis closed his eyes. He tried to steady his breathing. He pushed that feeling—being chased—out of his mind, tried to think of something, anything else. He knew where his thoughts would inevitably land, and he wanted that._

_Ennis didn't see black behind his eyelids—he saw blue._

* * *

Nathan was singing something as he forked eggs and potatoes into his mouth. Not something noticeable—just some nonsense song he'd made up himself. It wasn't something you'd hear on the radio, wasn't a song that would ever win a Grammy or some fancy award like that, but it was a song that could make Ennis's heart burst.

This little person sitting in front of him, singing and bobbing up and down and eating with little hands wrapped around a fork too big for him, this little person came from part of Ennis. If not for Ennis, this small boy now moving onto his bacon wouldn't be there. Ennis felt something deep down. He couldn't quite place the feeling—it was a deep awe, an amazement, and a fear. What if he didn't do right by this perfect little boy?

Just as he was worrying, Nathan looked up and smiled at Ennis.

"Good morning, Daddy." He incorporated into his song. "I'm eating bacon and eggs and Daddy is too!" His song involved something about a cow and Applesauce and riding faster than Superman and then something about a car with wings. Ennis smiled, a wide smile that he didn't usually share, and popped some bacon into his own mouth.

"Well, Cowboy, somebody's smiling big this morning." Jack nuzzled Ennis's neck before raising his face for a good-morning kiss. "Sure hope I had something to do with it." Ennis flushed, but his smile grew even wider. Jack chuckled.

No one else in the house was up yet. It was a Saturday at seven in the morning. The boys, as usual on Saturdays, got up to help with the milking but went straight back to bed. Nathan, however, had had other plans for that Saturday morning.

"What you two boys getting up to?" Jack asked affectionately.

"Daddy said he'd take me to the park." Nathan announced, surprising Ennis as much as Jack.

"Really?" Jack asked, looking at Ennis for confirmation. Ennis shrugged. He hadn't said that, but he didn't see any harm in it.

"Well, pardner, you mind if I tag along?" Jack stretched his Tickling Fingers threateningly in Nathan's direction.

"You can come!" Nathan shrieked before the tickle bugs could get him. Jack laughed.

"Why, thank you, Nathan, don't mind if I do." He also helped himself to a forkful of Ennis's eggs.

"You think Gracie'll want to come?" Ennis asked. Nathan made a face.

"Gracie hogs the swings." He complained.

"Nathan, the park's got more 'an one swing," Ennis pointed out.

"But she always bumps into me when I'm trying to swing."

"Well, I won't let her, I promise."

"Fine." Nathan said, a long-suffering sigh punctuating his eating. "But Jenny can _not_ come. She always laughs too much when that boy comes over with his dog." Jack threw his head back and laughed, mouth full of Ennis's eggs and Ennis's bacon, but Ennis frowned. Now that Nathan pointed it out, he realized that Jenny _did_ laugh an awful lot at that boy's jokes. What was his name? Michael? Ennis made a note to scare this Michael character off.

After gathering up Gracie, loading the two kids into the car and grabbing snacks, sweatshirts, umbrellas ("You never know when it'll rain," Jack pointed out), and two of the dogs, Ennis was worn out.

"Come _on_, let's _go_," Nathan whined. Ennis glanced at Jack, remembering just why it was he _hadn't_ offered to take Nathan to the park. Jack was laughing.

"Come on Cowboy," Jack said quietly, leaning in to plant a soft kiss, just a gentle breath, on Ennis's lips. "The locals're getting restless."

* * *

"_What the hell are you still doing here?"_

"_Your daddy don't have a problem with me staying here!"_

"_He's just too damn polite to ever say anything! Can't you see you're torturing him? Why don't you just get the hell out of here!"_

"_What the hell's going on?" Ennis roared. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. Jenny was screeching like a cat, hands on her hips, hair wild in her eyes. Bobby's cheeks were flushed angrily, and he had his hands on his own hips. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and his hair was still tousled from sleep. Despite the obvious drama unfolding in front of him, Ennis couldn't help that little ache that came from remembering Jack looking the same way._

"_Daddy, just tell this damn boy to get out!" Ennis was shocked to hear these words pouring from _his_ little girl. She was always quiet, and he certainly didn't know where she'd heard those words. Wasn't she too young to know words like that? Oh. Right. She was seventeen, not seven._

"_Jenny, what're you talking about? You got a problem with him staying here?"_

"_He's hurting you, Daddy."_

"_Jenny…darlin…" Ennis was so tired. So tired. He didn't know what to say to her, how to tell her what was going on._

"_Sometimes a person's gotta hurt to feel better." Bobby broke in softly. "It's hurting me too. But it's a good hurt, ma'am." He ducked his head. "Ennis, maybe I should just go. I mean, I don't want to cause no trouble here. I'm sorry."_

"_You ain't causing no trouble, Bobby. Jenny…c'mere, darlin." Jenny walked to her father. He did the only thing he could think of—he wrapped her up in his arms. He'd hugged her before, but he'd never held her this way, his cheek in her hair and her head on his chest. Not since she was a little baby. Quietly, Bobby slipped into the bathroom—the only room he could be in to give the father and daughter privacy. Ennis felt a rush of pride that his Jack had raised such a boy._

_Jenny was crying, racking sobs that shook the both of them. Ennis had no idea why she was crying, but he felt tears on his own cheeks._

"_Darlin, what's wrong?"_

"_Daddy, I d-don't like you h-h-hurting." Her voice was shaky and muffled against his shirt. Ennis sighed._

"_Oh, darlin." He sighed again. "It's like Bobby said, darlin. Sometimes you gotta hurt to feel better. I'm hurting, darlin, but I'm feeling better, too. I'm feeling better."_


	7. Chapter 7

_"Well hello there, Jenny, how are you this morning, little lady?" Mr. Jeneson tipped his hat politely at Jenny._

_"I'm doing just fine, sir, and yourself?"_

_"Aw, I'm an old man getting by. What brings you to my neck o' the woods?"_

_"Well, sir," Jenny got right to business. "I remember hearing you used to be a rodeo clown down in Texas. 'S that right?"_

_"Sure is, back in my younger days." Mr. Jeneson shot a wink at Jenny, who forced a polite smile._

_"Well, I wanted to ask you if you knew a bull rider. Name Jack Twist?" At the name, Mr. Jeneson's eyes flew wide open and his mouth dropped a little._

_"Tell you what, young lady, you ever meet Jack Twist you run fast as you can in the other direction, don't you never look back, you hear me?" His voice was gruff and angry._

_"Uh…why, sir?" Jenny was taken aback by his reaction. Mr. Jeneson was a kind old man, always smiling and winking at you. She'd never seen the look he had in his eyes now._

_"Well, don't think that reason be fit to say in front of no lady."_

_"Mr. Jeneson," Jenny said with a sigh. "Ain't no one mistaking me for much of a lady. I reckon it'd be just fine if you told me."_

_"Well…" Mr. Jeneson hemmed and hawed for a minute, but the gossip in him won out and he pushed his hat back off his forehead. "Twist…weren't much of a bull rider, tell you that. He won a few times, but more 'an not ended up in the dirt with nothing to show for it."_

_"Won a nice belt buckle one of them times, didn't he?" Jenny remembered seeing Bobby wearing a scuffed belt buckle that Ennis had mentioned was Jack's. Mr. Jeneson nodded._

_"Real nice belt buckle, that was. But he sure don't deserve it." Mr. Jeneson's eyes were dark. "You been hearing 'bout them people on the news? People all dying of that disease, what is it? That AIDS disease? Jack Twist is one of them people."_

_"One of…sick people?" Jenny wasn't catching on to what Mr. Jeneson was saying, and he sighed._

_"Jenny, only people dying o' that disease is them damn q—homosexuals. That Jack Twist, he surely is one of them. Surely is." Mr. Jeneson shook his head. Jenny stared at him a minute, not sure what she was feeling._

_"Jack Twist is dead." She said softly. Mr. Jeneson spit off the edge of the porch._

_"Surely he deserved it. Burning in hell as we speak."_

_

* * *

_

_Ennis had decided to take the day off, spend some time with Bobby. He didn't know why, but he'd been feeling weak all morning. His old bones seemed to creak more than usual, and he couldn't quite catch his breath all the way. He chalked it up to getting too old and pushed it from his mind._

_As he was pouring himself some coffee, trying to take a steadying breath, Jenny quietly let herself into the house after knocking once._

_"Hey there darlin." Ennis's face lit up at the sight of her._

_"Daddy, I wanted to—you feeling a'right, Daddy? Look awful pale." She squinted concernedly at him._

_"Just fine."_

_"She's right, Ennis. You ain't looking your best this morning." Bobby dropped in his two cents as he took a seat at the table._

_"Well, thank you two very much." Ennis muttered grumpily. Jenny was still staring at him, but now it was because she had something to say. He could tell from the way she bit her lip and shuffled her feet. It was a habit she'd picked up from her daddy._

_"Daddy…" She trailed off, letting her teeth work on her thumbnail. Another habit from Ennis. Ennis thought he should maybe ask her what was on her mind, but words were even harder this morning than usual. He knew she'd talk when the words quit bouncing off the walls of her head. His always did the same thing._

_"Daddy, I been down talking with Mr. Jeneson this morning."_

_"Right nice of you. Old man living by hisself." Ennis didn't seem to notice the irony of his statement. He was almost as old as Mr. Jeneson, and he, too, lived alone. Somehow he always found it more pitiful when it was other people._

_"Yeah, I been asking him about…about his rodeo days in Texas." At her words, both Ennis and Bobby looked up to stare at her._

_"And why's that?" Ennis asked brusquely._

_"I wanted to know if he…if he knew Jack Twist." Ennis was having some trouble keeping up with the thread of conversation. He had this pain in his arm…his left arm had never given him trouble before. He tried to ignore the pain and listen to Jenny. What she wasn't saying was starting to click into his mind._

_"And did he?"_

_"Yes, sir. But…" She bit her lip. "Daddy, did you know that your friend Jack Twist was…" She hesitated, shot a look at Bobby. "Well, Mr. Jeneson, he said that Jack was a…was one of them, uh, homosexuals." She said the last word in barely over a whisper, gulping before and after the word. Ennis felt his insides seize up._

_"You—you don't know nothin' about any of this!" He roared. Up to that very moment, Jenny hadn't even considered the connection between Jack's revealed sexuality and his fishing trips with her father. But at Ennis's defensive outburst, her eyes widened._

_"D-daddy?" She sputtered. "You…and him…?"_

_"He said you don't know nothing." Bobby broke in with gritted teeth. Tears filled Jenny's eyes._

_"Daddy, it's _wrong_," she whispered. "The Bible says…"_

_"Hell with what the Bible says!" Bobby roared. "Ain't no one's fault! Ain't no one's business, neither, least of all yours!"_

_"Hell with what the Bible says?" Jenny echoed faintly._

_"'S what I said."_

_"Who _are_ you?"_

_Their angry tirade floated around Ennis, not quite making the trip from his ears to his mind. He couldn't breathe—he literally could not draw a breath. His chest hurt something awful and his arm was on fire. He grabbed the edge of the counter, hard, breath coming in gasps._

_Suddenly, everything started to dissolve. The last thing he heard before he slid into darkness was Jenny's frantic "Daddy!" mixed with Bobby's worried "Ennis!"_

* * *

Ennis woke to the sounds of pots and pans banging around in the kitchen, voices hushing each other.

"'S going on?" He asked groggily. Jack grinned at him.

"Father's Day, Cowboy. Reckon those kids a ours are fixing to surprise us with some breakfast in bed."

"They ain't gonna surprise no one with the ruckus they're making." Ennis grumbled. "Likely waking the dead right as we speak."

"Prob'ly so. But sure is nice of them to try, huh Ennis?" Ennis couldn't see Jack, but he could picture that smile—eyes lit up like them Northern Lights Ennis'd heard about, teeth stretching from one side of the world to the other, dimples deeper than the Grand Canyon. He went through all the effort of rolling over just to witness that smile. It made his own face split into a grin—or as far as Ennis del Mar ever came to a grin.

"S'pose so." Since they were both up, Jack decided some harmless good morning kisses were in order. But no kiss of Jack Twist's could ever be described as harmless.

"Jack," Ennis moaned. "Kids coming up any minute."

"Naw, they just got down there. Got plenty of time to give you your Father's Day present…"

"Jack…" Ennis's eyes went wide when he felt Jack's tongue. "Jack, stop!"

"You don't want your present?" Jack pretended to pout.

"Just…not now," Ennis growled. His voice may've been gruff, but the pink flush spreading from his ears down his neck told Jack how he felt. Well, his blush and other things.

"Don't want no interruptions while I'm getting a present, that's all." Ennis added, softer now. Jack planted a warm kiss on his lips.

"Well, s'pose that's pretty good common sense, Cowboy."

"Yep. Someone's gotta do the thinking round here."

"Shut your mouth, del Mar."

"Why don't you shut it for me, Rodeo?" Jack was only too happy to oblige. He'd been doing so for a few minutes when they heard footsteps up the stairs. Ennis glanced down, gauging the state of disarray he and Jack were in, glad they were both in loose pajama bottoms. He didn't remember either of them putting pants on last night but was thankful they had.

"Think they're still asleep?"

"Not after you dropped that pan they ain't, butterfingers."

"Shut up, you were the one screaming at the top of your lungs like that, butthead."

"Both of you hush. They're sure awake now, and they don't want to hear you two fighting like they always have to."

Pause.

"Cain't say I remember anybody asking you."

"Me either."

Jack let his head rest contentedly against Ennis's chest, the two of them wrapped up together in bed, waiting for their bickering children to bring in runny eggs, burnt toast, and half-cooked pancakes.

Wasn't a place either man would rather be.

_

* * *

_

_"He gonna be alright?" Jenny had tears in her voice._

_"He should be just fine." A voice Ennis didn't recognize._

_"He's strong," Bobby soothed Jenny. But he didn't sound too convinced himself._

_"How come he ain't awake yet?" Was that Junior?_

_"It's not too uncommon." The strange voice again._

_Ennis opened his eyes, just a crack. He was facing a white, white wall. Whitest thing he'd probably ever seen. A needle was stuck in his arm. Blue gray sheets were pulled up around him. Where in God's name was he? He tried to roll over._

_"Daddy!" Junior cried, running over the bed with Jenny at her heels._

_"Now, don't go exciting him too much," that strange voice admonished. It belonged to a strange man with glasses that Ennis knew for a fact he'd never seen before._

_"They been worried, 's all." Bobby broke in defensively._

_"Where am I?" Ennis croaked._

_"You're in the hospital, Daddy." Junior reached down and boldly took his hand. He hadn't held her hand since she was eight years old._

_"Well what in the hell am I doing here?"_

_"Mr. del Mar, you've suffered a mild heart attack." The man (Ennis assumed he was a doctor) pushed his glasses up on his nose. He looked like an owl._

_"If it was mild, what am I still doing here?" Ennis was never much of a morning person, and he surely didn't enjoy having everyone hovering over him when he was just fine._

_"You just woke up. We couldn't send you home before you woke up." The doctor said this blankly, as if Ennis were some sort of idiot._

_"I know that," Ennis growled. "But I'm awake now, ain't I?"_

_"Mr. del Mar…" The doctor started helplessly._

_"Daddy, how you feeling?" Jenny interrupted. It was the first thing she'd said to him. Her eyes were red rimmed, and he felt bad for causing such trouble to everyone._

_"I'm just fine, darlin. Truth be told, this needle ain't mighty comfortable. Sure would like it out."_

_"You need that," Owl blustered. Ennis chose to ignore him._

_"I sure am sorry for scaring everybody."_

_"Oh, Daddy, don't be sorry." Junior gave his hand a little squeeze._

_After ignoring the doctor some more, insisting he was fine a few more times, and signing some papers, Ennis was ready to leave. He hated hospitals. They were too clean, too white, and the smell always sent him back to that funeral home he'd had to go to after his parents died._

_"Now, Mr. del Mar, you're going to have to take these pills with the white top every morning, you hear? They're to help your heart. And if your chest starts feeling tight again, you just take one of these pills with the red top, okay?" The doctor was condescending—one thing Ennis hated above almost everything else. He didn't say anything._

_"He'll take 'em." Junior assured the doctor. Ennis refused the wheelchair and refused Bobby's helping arm. But walking out to the car sure wore him out. He recognized Jack's truck soon as he set eyes on it._

_"This…Jack's…" He closed his eyes for a minute._

_"Yeah, I drove my daddy's truck up from Childress." Bobby leaned in closer to Ennis's ear, so the girls couldn't hear. "Still smells like him."_

_Back at the house, Ennis dropped himself to the couch. It wasn't comfortable in any sense of the word, but it was better than one of the hard kitchen chairs._

_"Ennis, you ain't sleeping there no more." Bobby said firmly._

_"Like hell I ain't."_

_"You had a heart attack! You're sleeping in your own bed. I can handle sleeping on the couch."_

_"You're a guest in my house."_

_"I'm serious, Ennis. I ain't sleeping in that bed and it'd be a mighty shame if it don't get put to use." Bobby's face was set, blue eyes narrowed, stubborn face on. Ennis was too tired to fight any longer, and he couldn't stand that face anymore. It was Jack's face staring at him and he had to drop his eyes. He grunted, not really an approval, but Bobby knew he'd won._

_Sometime soon after, Bobby disappeared and Ennis found himself alone with his two daughters. Both his girls were staring at their feet, and Ennis reckoned Jenny'd told Junior about Jack. He knew he should say something, but he couldn't get any words out._

_"Daddy?" Jenny's voice was shaky. Ennis grunted. Both girls raised their faces to look up at him._

_"Why didn't you tell us about Jack dying?" Junior asked. Ennis dropped his head to his hands._

_"I don't know, darlin. You girls didn't know him. Just a real good friend of your daddy's. You didn't know him," he repeated. The tightening his chest had nothing to do with his heart attack._

_"Just a real good friend?" Junior asked. Her voice was quiet. Ennis couldn't tell what she was thinking. Ennis was so tired. Down to his very bones, he was tired. He simply nodded. He felt like he'd done so much talking in the last few days that his tongue was in danger._

_"No more 'an a real good friend?"_

_"I said he was a real good friend and that's all I said." Ennis's anger made both girls drop their heads again. But he knew neither was fooled. Junior looked ready to say some more, but Jenny stopped her with a look. She patted Ennis's arm._

_"Daddy, why don't you get some sleep?" He didn't argue. His eyes shut almost as soon as he hit the bed. He wasn't awake for Junior and Jenny's whispered conversation about him. He wasn't awake when Junior left and Jenny stayed. And he wasn't awake for the tender, shy arm Bobby slipped around Jenny's waist or the warm smile Jenny gave Bobby in return._


	8. Final Chapter

_Ennis woke to the smell of breakfast cooking. It took him a minute to realize that no, this was not a dream and no, it would not be Jack cooking breakfast when he went to the kitchen. A big whoosh of disappointment clouded him; the old ache took up residence again. He pushed the disappointment away. It would be one of his girls cooking, and that was good. It could even be Bobby, which would also be good._

_Nothing he could do to push the ache away, though._

_He slowly got out of bed, worried that moving too fast would set off his heart again. Then he got fed up with moving slow and decided that if his heart was going to give out, it was going to give out, but he wasn't going to tiptoe around. He was going back to work. Well…tomorrow._

_"Something smells good," Ennis commented as he made his way to the table. Bobby was already sitting with a cup of coffee in front of him. Jenny was at the stove, dishing up plates._

_"Morning, Daddy," she said. Something in her voice told Ennis that a confrontation of some sort was coming. He glanced at Bobby, who steadfastly kept his head down._

_"Morning," Ennis replied cautiously._

_"Soon's you eat you gotta take one of these pills."_

_"Okay." Ennis said with a sigh. He really didn't think the pills were necessary. If he was going to die, let him die._

_"Junior's coming on over later." Jenny dropped this bit of information casually, but her shoulders were tensed. Ennis didn't know what he was supposed to say to that, so he said nothing._

_"Called the foreman," Bobby broke in. "He says just take your time gettin' better 'fore you come back to work." Ennis frowned._

_"I'm going back to work tomorrow," he declared. "Nothing's wrong with me." Bobby and Jenny shared a look. Ennis didn't know what it meant and at this point was too tired to care. He didn't like being awake and not working. Gave him too much time to think on things best saved for dreams. Things like big blue eyes and dimples and full lips and strong arms holding him and a harmonica, flat and out of tune, and…_

_Well, so much for not thinking._

_When Junior got there, she had that same steely look in her eyes as Jenny. Like they were ready for a knockdown, drag-out fight and neither was leaving until they got it. Ennis was pretty sure where this was headed, and he didn't like it._

_At a look from Jenny, Bobby was mumbling something and flying out that front door. Shit. Ennis felt caged all of a sudden—he needed to go outside, feel the wind, breathe real air. But instead he was cooped up inside, his daughters staring him down and gathering their nerve._

_"Daddy," Junior started delicately. "We need to talk about…Jack Twist." She whispered his name but it didn't stop the blow to Ennis's heart. He turned his head slightly and took a deep breath. Steady. Steady now._

_"Daddy, was he…?" Junior didn't know how to phrase her question._

_"We was good friends." Ennis said stubbornly._

_"Sure took a lot of fishing trips together, didn't you?" Junior didn't sound accusatory, but it was just under the surface._

_"'Cause I told you, we was good friends. Real good friends." He added for good measure. "Can't a man go fishing with a buddy?"_

_"Were you ever more than good friends?"_

_"What's there more to be?" Ennis was breathing hard now. He needed to get out of this little shit hole of a house. He couldn't breathe. His heart was jack hammering away—something that owl-faced doctor probably wouldn't approve of. Jenny was letting her sister take care of the conversation, and Ennis found that to be a problem. Jenny was always the more rational one. Junior tended to get too emotional._

_"Daddy. Mr. Jeneson told Jenny that Mr. Twist was—"_

_"Mr. Jeneson didn't know what he was talking about. Jack weren't like that. Nothing wrong with Jack."_

_"Nobody said anything was wrong with him." When Jenny finally spoke, her voice was barely a whisper. That shut Ennis up. Was she saying she was okay with that? Ennis felt sweat break out on his forehead. His chest was tightening and his hands were shaking._

_"Jenny," he gasped. "Get me one of them pills, darlin." She jumped up right away. Junior raced to get a glass of water. When Ennis's breathing was almost to normal, his head resting wearily against the couch, the girls looked at each other and silently agreed—enough of that conversation. Forever. They knew what they needed to know. No sense killing their daddy trying to get him to say it out loud._

**

* * *

**

**Present Day**

"Tomorrow?" Jenny's husband asked. They both had untouched plates and red-rimmed eyes. Jenny sighed.

"Yeah. Tomorrow. We gotta go through all his things and find something to b-bury him in. The funeral director said prob'ly a suit. But that doesn't seem like something he'd want." Her husband nodded and took her hand, squeezed gently.

Ennis del Mar had finally let go and died. He'd gone in his sleep, just sixty-two years old. The doctors told his daughters it was just the result of a life of hard labor and too many cigarettes. Junior, always the romantic, had sighed once—just once, and only to Jenny—that it was finally his broken heart catching up to him.

Now the ones left behind had to sort through Ennis's belongings. Jenny wasn't looking forward to it, because she knew there wasn't much. It would just reinforce the meager life her father had led, made more heartbreaking by his death. No one was there when he died. No one to hold his hand quietly or kiss him one last time. No one who would feel the pain even deeper than his daughters and grandchildren.

Speaking of grandchildren…

Bobby squeezed Jenny's hand again.

"He wants to go with you," he said softly. Jenny nodded.

"Knew he would."

Out of his eight grandchildren, Ennis had only one boy. And they were deeply, deeply connected. His grandson was the one who found Ennis's cold body; called his father sobbing so hard he couldn't talk. Ennis had never explained why he felt so close to his grandson, but his daughters and Bobby knew why.

Jack Ennis Twist looked like he could've been Jack and Ennis's son. He had dirty blonde hair that curled around his ears. His eyes were big and blue. He had a special way with horses and wanted to be a bull-rider. He had Ennis's quiet demeanor and Jack's ability to love freely. He was the perfect blend of Jack and Ennis. No, Ennis had had to remind himself hundreds of times. He was the perfect blend of _Jenny and Bobby_.

Jenny had always thought that her son was God's way of comforting Ennis. Or maybe Jack, up in Heaven somewhere, had sent him down to tell Ennis as a reminder.

* * *

"What should we do with the furniture?" Jenny asked. 

"Um…some of it's pretty trashed. We can throw that away. The rest we could probably donate."

After a few minutes, they realized the only place holding anything of worth was the bedroom. Ennis didn't care about much in the way of material possessions. The girls had their arms wrapped around each other for strength. The bedroom was going to be hard to go into.

Jack Ennis was already in there, staring almost reverently at something in the closet.

"What's that, honey?" Jenny asked.

"I…I'm not sure. This postcard says Brokeback Mountain. And these shirts…there's two shirts here, together. Look."

Jenny sucked in a breath and Junior put a hand over her mouth. They'd never seen these shirts, but both had an inkling of what they were. Jack and Ennis shirts, together while the two men were apart. They also found a box of postcards—all from Jack.

"What should we do with all this?" Junior asked, eyes brimming with tears. No one spoke for a long while. No one knew what to say.

"Should we bury it all with him?" Jenny asked in a small voice. Still no one spoke. Finally, it was Jack Ennis—wearing one grandfather's rodeo belt buckle and the other's old tan hat—who found the solution. He and his grandfather had never really broached the subject of Jack and Ennis's relationship. Not with words, anyway. But Jack Ennis had always known.

"No." He said, quiet but strong. "He don't need 'em no more. We need 'em now." Jenny and Junior both nodded their assent. They knew what Jack Ennis was saying, even if he couldn't quite find the words to say it out loud.

Ennis didn't need these reminders of Jack anymore. Wherever those two were—Heaven, Hell, or neither—they were together now. The shirts and the postcards, a reminder and a comfort to Ennis for so long, were now for the ones Jack and Ennis had left behind. They didn't know where they would put these, the only worldly things Ennis had ever cared for, but they would go somewhere. Somewhere where they would only be seen by those who knew their significance. Somewhere safe. Somewhere where they would always be a reminder.

* * *

_"Hey there, Cowboy. 'Bout time you came along. Been waiting for a long time."_

_"Oh, Rodeo, I been waiting long time too. Came as fast as I could."_


End file.
